- Almost everybody had to read it 3 or even 4 times to 'get' it. They had to laugh very hard when I told them that rupertdaily had said that the text contained too much exposition!
- The description of the hallway is not necessarily from the perspective of Anneke. This needs work.
- The fact that the question- and answer-letters "cross" eachother is a great find.
- The piece needs much more exposition -- either more 'keys' for the reader or less time-jumps.
- In two sentences, people 'get' the Gemini-event and accept it as a possibility in that particular universe. That is very well written.
- Why does the Senior not just change history? (This has an answer in the universe of Continuum, but the reader doesn't know that!)
- What happens with that notebook? During the first paragraph it seems very important, but we don't get to see it later on.
- Why does Anneke go to januari 13th, when she receives the letter on januari 18th?
As I suspected, it's very hard for 'levellers' to 'get' the text. But it has potential, and if I rewrite the last part (so that it is more 'gradual' with a bit more exposition), it could get quite interesting. That was the vibe I got from the rest of the writers: "Gee, this is interesting, I wish I understood it better!" It's a pretty good feeling to notice that.
My continuation of Michiel's story was also reviewed. Comments I got were:
- It's too clear, the story is slowing down here.
- You try to explain too much.
- You are letting the Master 'talk' to the reader, over Michiel's shoulder. "Do you understand?" and sentences like that.
- We get to see the non-jovial side of the Master, which is interesting.
- The moral element of magic-use is even more interesting.
So, less positive feedback, and I think I agree. I'm more satisfied myself with the Anneke-story. I need to re-think my strategy for the Michiel-story, so I think I'll work on the Anneke-story this week -- see if I can improve on it.