Hein (fub) wrote,

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Writing course

I got comments about my second story about Michiel. I was worried that I spent too much time on the introductions, so I asked whether they thought the were getting enough information and whether there was enough 'narrative thrust' to the piece. The comments I received were:

- The speed is excellent, it's speedy but clear, there is more attention to the character of Michiel.
- It's good to know more about Michiel and about the 'drama of the magicians': everyone wants to know about magic, and he never gets to hear about their lives.
- The jump in time after the cut is confusing.
- "registratie als gezel" should be reworded, because he is studying to be registered!
- The whole second paragraph is a let-down, because we expect some sort of magic test, but they're on the road immediately afterwards! We want to see something concrete about the education.
- What's a sigil?

Then there was a little discussion about the conflicts that Michiel is facing. Some people were wondering why he doesn't use magic for everyday things -- why, if he wants something, doesn't he just use magic on it? But others said that Michiel seems reluctant to use his gift for banal things.
Then someone said that it is very well possible that others will tempt Michiel to use magic for them -- Hanneke is, of course, a prime candidate for this.

I need to do three things:
- Rewrite the second paragraph to show the Master using magic for a client -- perhaps Michiel just has to witness how it's done. That will give information on his education (what he is trying to become) and will also show how magic is used in this setting.
- I need to show how Michiel thinks about magic. He sees it as a great tool, but not something to be used lightly. There is a reasoning behind all this, but I'm not going to tell you now. You'll have to read the story.
- I need to create a conflict of interests for Michiel. He must be pressured or seducted to use magic for something -- something that he wouldn't normally use magic on/for. I have ideas here too, but those need more time to develop.

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