Hein (fub) wrote,
Hein
fub

  • Mood:

Writing course!

Yesterday was the writing course again, the last lesson before the holidays. We did a writing exercise, in which we had to think of a New Year's resolution, and wrote it on a piece of paper. Then the pieces were shuffled and then you had to think up a character who would have that resolution. Then the pieces were shuffled again and you had to write a fragment about an obstacle the character had to face to keep his/her resolution.

I had 'learning to say "no"', and 'an office clerk of 40 years, who gets all the work'. Here's my story, titled Orders

Op de vijfde januari kwam zijn chef weer aan met een stapel papieren. "Nou John, die orders uit Polen zijn doorgekomen, dus die zullen we moeten controleren en invoeren!" riep hij al joviaal.
John wist al dat, alhoewel zijn chef het woord 'we' gebruikte, hij het zou zijn die de komende dagen tot laat in de avond aan het werk zou zijn. Zijn chef had altijd veel praats en maakte bij zijn superieuren goede sier met het werk dat John verzette, maar daar zag John zelf nooit wat voor terug.
Met een bliksemsnelle actie kon hij nog net voorkomen dat zijn koffiebeker van zijn bureau werd gestoten toen zijn chef het pak papier op het tafelblad liet ploffen. Hij grijnsde: "Teveel koffie is niet goed voor je, John!" Dat deed hij nou altijd: domme grappen maken om zijn eigen onhandigheid en luiheid te verhullen.
Mistroostig keek John naar de stapel die nog op zijn burea lag: het was hem niet gelukt om de orders uit Oostenrijk vóór het nieuwe jaar in te voeren. Deze nieuwe stapel kon hij er eigenlijk niet bij hebben. Hij zuchtte en keek op naar het bolle gezicht van zijn chef, die gemaakt-vrolijk op hem neer keek.

There are 10 lessons left, and each lesson one of the students is supposed to present a certain genre to the others, complete with an analysis of the style and an immitation of that style. I don't think anybody in the group is used to doing public presentations because people started looking like their house had just caught fire or something. So I volunteered to do the first presentation on Januari 8th, on Cyberpunk.
(Rest of the group: "Cyber-WHAT? What is that!?" Me: "I'll tell you in Januari." They: "Uh, right.")

Then, we did the homework. The teacher read my piece of prose out aloud, and after she had finished, she exclaimed: "Het leest als een tiet!" (meaning that she was very satisfied with the piece). In advance, I had asked people whether the progression was clear and believable (Rest of the group: "Which progression?" Me: "You're going to find out when you read it." They: "Uh, right.") and this is what they had to say (in no particular order):

- It's an easy, good read;
- One of them asked: "Why would she run the risk?" and another answered: "For the kick, of course!" I guess I was succesful in describing that aspect of Suzan's character. ;)
- The fact she's a lawyer adds an extra layer of excitement for Suzan;
- She wants to prove herself to others;
- Why does she start stealing stuff at that precise moment? She should enjoy it more the first time -- that makes it more logical for her to continue;
- There's a strong "thrillseeking" motif, together with her training. She feels invulnerable, without morals or remorse (comments from the others: "Because she's a lawyer!");
- The step to participating in Paul's Big Thing is too large a leap. There should be an intermediate step. Perhaps she takes the final plunge and starts stealing at her job? Perhaps a file about a case? Perhaps Paul puts her under pressure for this, or maybe he blackmails her?

So, comments were very positive. If I had more room, I would probably have described stuff more -- but, as klik said, I should be careful not to 'overwrite' stuff. And some of the remarks would make for delicious plot twists...
Subscribe

  • Gundam

    My love for the mecha anime genre is well-documented on this blog and elsewhere. And of course, Gundam is the granddaddy of the genre, such a huge…

  • Kakiage

    I’ve been on a manga-reading spree these days. It all started out with Dungeon Meshi, which merges my interest in RPGs and dungeon delving…

  • Anime movie introduction

    Two weeks back, a colleague wore a shirt with a text that also included ‘NEO-TOKYO’. I asked him if this was a reference to Akira, and…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

  • 0 comments